Just feelings...

Yesterday was a rather weird day for me emotionally. Most of the time I don't feel bad about Spencer's condition, but every now and then I get a little twinge of sadness. A friend had posted a link to a blog about a baby with a serious heart condition. He has been sick since birth and there is no guarantee he will make it. Things were very touch and go for him yesterday. Crazy as it may sound those are the things that make me thank God that Spencer "only" has dwarfism. I mean really it could be so much worse. Yes, we almost lost Spence last month because of his foramen magnum compression and there will no doubt be more medical complications, but Spencer is going to be okay. That's what I have to cling to. My little guy really is going to be alright.

But at the same time it can be tough. Little things seem to slap me in the face. We were swimming at the YMCA last night and there was a little girl the same age as Spence. The same age mind you and she was standing there (with her daddy's help of course) and jumping into the pool. But little Spencer can't even bear any weight on his legs, not even for a minute, because of his hypotonia. He'll get there someday, but it's gonna be a while. I don't know why exactly, but it made me sad that Spence wasn't able to do it, too. With that big personality and big spirit, his body still denied him. It was no big deal really, right? So what if she could stand there and Spence couldn't. But there was something melancholy about it for me and I remind myself that it's okay to feel that way. They're just feelings and I will NOT expect myself to be Prozac happy that he has dwarfism. But I am deep down in the very depths of my soul happy we have Spencer in our lives, no Prozac needed thank you.