Yesterday was a rather weird day for me emotionally. Most of the time I don't feel bad about Spencer's condition, but every now and then I get a little twinge of sadness. A friend had posted a link to a blog about a baby with a serious heart condition. He has been sick since birth and there is no guarantee he will make it. Things were very touch and go for him yesterday. Crazy as it may sound those are the things that make me thank God that Spencer "only" has dwarfism. I mean really it could be so much worse. Yes, we almost lost Spence last month because of his foramen magnum compression and there will no doubt be more medical complications, but Spencer is going to be okay. That's what I have to cling to. My little guy really is going to be alright.
But at the same time it can be tough. Little things seem to slap me in the face. We were swimming at the YMCA last night and there was a little girl the same age as Spence. The same age mind you and she was standing there (with her daddy's help of course) and jumping into the pool. But little Spencer can't even bear any weight on his legs, not even for a minute, because of his hypotonia. He'll get there someday, but it's gonna be a while. I don't know why exactly, but it made me sad that Spence wasn't able to do it, too. With that big personality and big spirit, his body still denied him. It was no big deal really, right? So what if she could stand there and Spence couldn't. But there was something melancholy about it for me and I remind myself that it's okay to feel that way. They're just feelings and I will NOT expect myself to be Prozac happy that he has dwarfism. But I am deep down in the very depths of my soul happy we have Spencer in our lives, no Prozac needed thank you.
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Don't worry, having these moments is totally normal, we all do. I have to say though, the more time goes by and the more time I spend around other little people, the less often I get these feelings. Our kids are not sick, they are just shorter. :) And yes, it will take them a little longer to walk, but they WILL walk and catch up with the other kids.
ReplyDeleteYour son is GORGEOUS and he is very lucky to have a wonderful family with 4 other siblings! :)
I know in the beginning all I did was cry. Mostly about the fact that I knew so many challenges lay ahead. Soon, I got past that and was on to the fact that I had to of done something wrong (even though I knew I hadn't). I guess I needed to put blame somewhere, but there was no place to put it. Now that Nate is over a year old I feel that if he didn't have dwarfism he wouldn't be my sweet, funny, loving boy he is. That would be harder to deal with. Remember, he will reach his milestones, just not when others his age do and I think it makes it all more special. I've always thought that children who need a little extra care are given to those who are the strongest, couragest and most loving parents.
ReplyDeleteI think many of us have probably had similar posts on our blogs. It's so nice to know that we're not alone and these feelings are normal (and do subside). I love Laura's comment...I couldn't imagine my little Evan any other way.
ReplyDeleteI know this feeling all too well also. We all have these feelings every now and then. I had one of these moments recently while seeing a neighborhood girl Sonya's age running around chasing a butterfly and my sweetie was stuck in a half body cast, set back yet again not only by her dwarfism but her femur break as well. I know she'll get there eventually, but sometimes it feels like she is being robbed of some of these moments. But like Laura said about her Nate, I'll say the same my Sonya she just wouldn't be the sweet, patient, tough little girl that I have come to know! Easy to say, hard to let it go. Sending you big hugs!
ReplyDeleteIt can be rough sometimes but like Alex said, the feelings subside more as time goes by and our kids get older. Aidan is who he is, my son, and I wouldn't have him any other way.
ReplyDeleteI totally understand how you feel and I had days like that-more often when Preston was younger and he hit his milestones slightly later. He walked pretty quick and did sit up by 7 months, but I felt he had to work so much harder. Now that he is 3 1/2 and even though some kids in the class tower over him (some don't) I don't get those feelings anymore-mainly because 1) you learn to accept even if subconsciously and 2) you notice other things-like perhaps it is just my thought but achon kids seem to be pretty darn smart. Preston's vocabulary and personality are above most of his classmates as I have been told. I mean seriously at 2 1/2 he told his teacher he had a hematoma on his finger.
ReplyDeleteSpencer will amaze you because his strength and determination are tenfold and sometimes it's fun to have a kid a little bit extraordinary!!!!
I'm with Kim, it gets a LOT easier when they are a little older and running around chatting your ear off. I also think that the dwarfism does make them smarter, and much, much better problem solvers - I love to sit back and watch Trace figure out how to get what he wants, the other day he actually slid a case of beer (I know) over to the front door to stand on it to open it - and his determination is crazy! Spencer will get there, it's just gonna take him a little while! Oh, and I was reading that other blog too and sitting at work crying.
ReplyDeleteHello Briana! My name is Kasia and I have Amelia who also has achondroplasia. She is 6 months old! I love your blog I was deeply moved with your experience! I would love to follow your blog! Welcome to the wonderful circle of LP parents, it is such a support I cannot even describe. IT continues to help me tremendously! Spencer is a miracle, he is sooo handsome and cute! good luck ! please visit my blog! Love, Kasia
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