Choices

Though we are still new to the game of having a "special needs" child, I've already heard a few comments pretty consistently. They all have the same theme and go something like this, "God must have chose you to be Spencer's family because he knew you could handle it" or "Spence was meant to be in your family because you're such wonderful, loving people" or "God knew what he was doing sending Spence to your family".

Now don't get me wrong the compliments are wonderful! I'm glad people think so much of my family and believe that Spencer is going to be alright just because of the enviroment we are creating for him, BUT I've noticed a little flaw in the system. Many times when I am away from home I see children with varying special needs who were "given" to moms and dads who aren't so wonderful and aren't handling the situation so hot. There are plenty of people out there who I'd like to just smack because they aren't taking care of their kids the way they ought to. Did God mess up that time? I don't think so, but I think the parents definitely are missing a wonderful opportunity.

I don't believe that God made a mistake by giving us Spencer or by giving any other family a kid who is a little more needy than the rest. But I also don't believe that God chose me because I'm some amazing, super mom. What I believe is that I wake up everyday with a choice. A choice that every other mom can choose to make too. I choose to be the mom that Spencer needs be to me. I choose to go the extra mile and make sure all of his needs are going to be taken care of whether financial, medical or emotional. I chose to put aside some of my needs to care for his. I choose to believe that God did "send" us Spencer, but not because he needed us, but because we needed him. I choose to believe that the day Spencer was created was one of God's better days.

So, thanks for the compliments, but I'm not that great, I'm just a mom who wakes up with the same choice every other mom has each day. We all have choices and we all get thrown a curve ball every now and then. I've just decided I'm going to hit that ball out of the park instead of striking out.

Remembering my priorities

It's been a long, tough week. So long and tough that I think I could just end the blog post there and go crawl in bed. I watched my grandma pass away this week. Now that was tough. I saw her lying there in a body that didn't look like hers anymore and with a mind that was no longer there. Then a little boy named Connor, that has achondroplasia like Spence, died from complications of the condition. It brought back all those emotions I had when we came so close to losing Spencer. And to top off an emotional week, my sister moved over an hour away from us.

But I'm the type of person that always has to find meaning in it all. For me this week has meant putting my priorities in check...something I am continually having to do. I was reminded again this week that life is short and life is precious. So, I put a lot of things on hold this week to spend time with my family and to try and be there for my parents after losing my grandmother. I held Spence a little tighter and thanked God for allowing him to stay with us. In fact, I held all of the kids a little closer this week. I tried to say "not now" or "maybe later" a little less. So, my "to do" list didn't get done and I played more Monopoly games than another mother should ever have to, but it was probably the closest I've come to having my priorities in check in a long time.

Life is constantly trying to get in the way of what really matters. I know that every day I wake up with choices. Choices about who's going to get my time and energy. Everyday I have to find a balance. Time for the kids, time for me, time to keep the house clean without being too OCD and, of course, balancing all the things other people ask of me without sacrificing family.

I guess basically I'm saying that I'm just a work in progress and that we all probably need to check our priorities from time to time. Whoever said "stop and smell the roses" was probably on to something. So, quit reading this blog and go hug your babies or your hubby or literally go smell the roses. Life is short, might as well make the most of it!